I think the reason why people commit suicide is not because they are running away from other people. It’s not because they want to get away from that bully at school, or father that is an alcoholic. They are trying to run away from themselves because it’s the only way to get away from what’s inside of their head.

And I miss being happy with you, I miss feeling close to you. And no you’re not right. I’m not with you only because I’m scared of being alone. I like being alone. What I’m scared of is being with you but feeling distant, that’s the kind of loneliness I’m scared of. I’m scared of getting disappointed, a lot. I’m scared of getting my hopes up and trusting someone and then getting let down. I’m scared of letting my fears and doubts go and give the power to someone to hurt me. I always had problems with these things. I just need someone to show me I don’t need to be scared anymore. But one thing I’m definitely not scared of is being alone. It’s the only way I won’t get disappointed and hurt, if I don’t let anyone in.
And why I’m acting distant is because I’m trying to prepare myself to get disappointed again. I’m trying to not get my hopes up too much so when you fuck up again it won’t hurt as much as it did the first time. Or second…

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